MARTIN L

Tag: bisexual

  • Losing my Lordeginity: A Synopsis of Virgin

    Hi gang, today I decided to review Virgin, the senior album from Aotearoa-based artist Lorde.

    Martin recognizes the adopted name of Aotearoa, the Māori name for the country commonly known in the English language as New Zealand. Aotearoa has no commonly recognized precise definition, but generally refers to a land of a long white cloud.

    As an artist, I have a complicated relationship with Lorde. I really liked her music when her freshman album, Pure Heroine was released into the world. Songs such as 400 Lux or Ribs continue to make up my repertoire of summer songs to this day. I will not be discussing Melodrama and Solar Power in this review, although a TL:DR version: the former is overrated, whilst the latter is underrated.

    In addition, I would like to note that I will not be mentioning the lyricism, as I don’t really have any deep thoughts about it. I heard Lorde wanted this album to be more abstract in lyricism, and I will be respecting this laissez-faire take.

    Track 1: Hammer

    I love Hammer! It’s a very nostalgic summer song in my opinion, very reminiscent of sitting in a field, feeling lost on a summer’s day. Probably one of my favorite songs on the album, and by far the best single released so far. It’s a punchier ballad that almost veers into being a danceable number, but ultimately best enjoyed sitting on a MTR train on a hot summer’s day, braving the long journey from Tsuen Wan to Tuen Mun. 9/10.

    Track 2: What Was That

    This song has its highlights, but I would say this song really does remind me of storming through a city square. Maybe not as mad as Lorde does, but still a quick storm around. I think the pre-chorus is probably my favorite part, the buildup puts you in that position of stomping. 5/10.

    Track 3: Shapeshifter

    LOVE THE CHORUS IN THIS SONG. It is so reminiscent of just encompassing your brave spirit. It starts off very slow, and then builds up to a grandeur spit of lyrics. Tonight, I just want to fall, and I agree with my whole heart. I hope everyone takes the time to sit with this song and live with it. 7/10.

    Track 4: Man of the Year

    I understand that this is a song about loving yourself and realizing that you’re the only person who will ultimately support you, but it’s also not a great song. Maybe a bit too slow for me? 3/10.

    Track 5: Favorite Daughter

    I think this is a very decent middle of the album song. Kinda filler core? But there’s a lot of absenteeism daughter talk that litters in a very strange way that I can’t seem to grasp clearly. The bridge is probably my favorite part of the song, and it reminds me of swinging on a swing set for some reason. 4/10.

    Track 6: Current Affairs

    I really do like this song! It reminds me of regret, like when you nick your finger and suck the blood, wondering why you decided to do this to yourself. It brings you to a lot of levels, and the lyrics wave a story of fear and regret. A solid song in the album, for sure. 7/10.

    Track 7: Clearblue

    Feels like a ballad that’s trying to skin you alive. I really like how it tries to capture the feeling of receiving scarring news. 6/10.

    Track 8: GRWM (Grown Woman)

    This feels like a more classic Lorde song. I really resonate with this song, it feels like you’re stuck in the teenage vortex of time. I personally feel like a 16 year old in a 25 year old body, so this song was probably written for me. A slow, charming melody stops you in the moment that is ever omnipresent in your brain. 7/10.

    Track 9: Broken Glass

    This is mostly a song about being in frustration and trying to let go unsuccessfully, which I live completely in (although I believe this is in reference to an eating disorder, which I don’t have). Musically, it’s a bit boring, one of the more pop songs off the album, but still a soothsayer if brought up from the past. 5/10.

    Track 10: If She Could See Me Now

    Not a huge fan of this song, musically it’s a bit bland and overused in this album by this point. If Clearblue was meant to cleanse your palate, this song was meant to waterboard you with the same tones. I guess it’s a song about growth and seeing how you turned out, but everyone has this song. Not a great penultimate song. 2/10.

    Track 11: David

    David is a great track to round out the album. It traps you into a wave of sonar depth, chipping away at you as you immerse yourself into the waves of Virgin. If you’ve experienced being lost in a sea of thoughts, David wacks a cane into your soul. The chanting of “Am I ever gonna love again” pounds the frustration of being in disappointment to a new generation, but ultimately opens up towards a new start. 8/10.

    Conclusion

    I like Lorde, but since I still have the mindset of a teenager I think I’m still stuck in the Pure Heroine era. Maybe I’ll revisit this when I finally move into Melodrama.

  • Facing my struggles with Pride Month

    I’ve always had a very contentious relationship with Pride Month. While I am aware of the history, and the sweat, blood, and tears people have put in to advocate for gay rights, it never really felt like my battle. I’m a openly bisexual person to many of my peers, but it never really felt like a battle I ever had to face.

    One time my dad asked me what country this flag represented

    Unlike a lot of “coming out” stories you hear about, I’ve never really felt different sexually. If I had to label it, I would say my life so far as been one big, rolling ball of anxiety of other issues and struggles that came before my sexuality. I never really gave it a thought, and I honestly don’t even think I can tell you when I even came out. Sure, I’ve had my struggles with my sexuality at times (parental expectations and the need to feel “normal”), but compared to other problems, it seemed like a blip in the road.

    I can be honest and say that I’ve never really seen a need to “come out”, but ultimately that’s a privileged take that I can hold with my own life. Not every “coming out” story blossoms as beautifully as mine has so far, and that’s a challenge we will continue to face in the world. Although my sexuality may be mine, my struggles are not. As I continue to experience life on this earth, experiencing the setbacks I put myself in, I’m realizing the limits of my own sexuality.

    In a couple of words, I don’t even feel like I am out. I’ve minimized my sexuality to such a small block of myself that it no longer forms a part of my already repressed personality. Every time I have to “come out” (because as I’ve learned, you never just come out once), I get this sense of overwhelming hesitation to come out. Because, maybe for myself, I haven’t even really had the time to accept this over-encompassing part of my life.

    Not even getting into “bisexual erasure”, but I think it’s time to really take the time to learn about my sexuality. I’ve never even kissed a dude yet, so maybe there? (JK). This year, I’m gonna take the time to live for myself, and Pride Month is a good reminder that this is a privilege I get in life. Thank you, and I hope y’all can support me on my journey.