Facing my struggles with Pride Month

I’ve always had a very contentious relationship with Pride Month. While I am aware of the history, and the sweat, blood, and tears people have put in to advocate for gay rights, it never really felt like my battle. I’m a openly bisexual person to many of my peers, but it never really felt like a battle I ever had to face.

Unlike a lot of “coming out” stories you hear about, I’ve never really felt different sexually. If I had to label it, I would say my life so far as been one big, rolling ball of anxiety of other issues and struggles that came before my sexuality. I never really gave it a thought, and I honestly don’t even think I can tell you when I even came out. Sure, I’ve had my struggles with my sexuality at times (parental expectations and the need to feel “normal”), but compared to other problems, it seemed like a blip in the road.

I can be honest and say that I’ve never really seen a need to “come out”, but ultimately that’s a privileged take that I can hold with my own life. Not every “coming out” story blossoms as beautifully as mine has so far, and that’s a challenge we will continue to face in the world. Although my sexuality may be mine, my struggles are not. As I continue to experience life on this earth, experiencing the setbacks I put myself in, I’m realizing the limits of my own sexuality.

In a couple of words, I don’t even feel like I am out. I’ve minimized my sexuality to such a small block of myself that it no longer forms a part of my already repressed personality. Every time I have to “come out” (because as I’ve learned, you never just come out once), I get this sense of overwhelming hesitation to come out. Because, maybe for myself, I haven’t even really had the time to accept this over-encompassing part of my life.

Not even getting into “bisexual erasure”, but I think it’s time to really take the time to learn about my sexuality. I’ve never even kissed a dude yet, so maybe there? (JK). This year, I’m gonna take the time to live for myself, and Pride Month is a good reminder that this is a privilege I get in life. Thank you, and I hope y’all can support me on my journey.